Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Drowning


 A boat sailing

smooth as the waves

almost flying in the clouds

air touching our face

then a sudden flip

the boat went under

sailing under water

reaching the line 

too late to let go

too scared to talk

literally gasping

and hoping for air


then it flipped!

but its all too late,

a song playing like it was meant for me

one breath that could save me.

a goodbye

went to a house with people you know

people you can count on 

awkward smiles

awkard stares

a lady crying

for what reason only she knows

gave me a tight hug

standing confused

all your friends

brothers and sisters

they know whats up

sad that its only me who is clueless at that

nods and stares

and awkward goodbyes

went on 

and vanish 

like it was never there.




Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Feels.

Hey 3AM                   
Olivia Lane
hey 3am
here we are again
been a while since i've seen you
how you been?
i could say i missed you
but that would be a lie
it's funny how you ain't around
when things are going right
but as soon as my walls go caving in
it's hey 3am
you haven't changed a bit
you're still full of questions
making minutes feel like hours
when you get me second guessing
turning lies to truth
grains of sand into mountains
each one of them a problem
with no clear way around em
so i'll just wait til that sun comes shining in
knowing everything will be alright again
hey 3am
you got me wide awake
hitting rewind on my choices
and all my mistakes
you're the only one who sees me
when i'm a total mess
i'm guessing i should thank you
for the secrets that you've kept
like whispers in the dark between old friends
you haven't changed a bit
you're still full of questions
making minutes feel like hours
when you get me second guessing
turning lies to truth
grains of sand into mountains
each one of them a problem
with no clear way around 'em
so i'll just wait til that sun comes shining in
knowing everything will be alright again
hey 3am
hey 3am
there's nothing i can do
yesterday's long gone now and so are you
gotta make the most of today
and hope tonight you won't hear me say
hey 3am

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Last Straw

When you thought that you've totally moved on sometimes it's okay to take the last plunge. Try to make a short convo with him and who knows it might lead to one thing or another.😈 But that's exactly what you need to do. Test yourself.

Others last straw involves dating, convo over a drink, a coffee, a short walk, even casual sex. I think this is where the closure happens. You guys being civil and managed to do those things without being too awkward and managed to flash a smile? Well that's a good-totally-moved-on smile.😜

For some who tried it over casual sex, well that's just them trying to be ex lovers and doing what they used to do. And when they did the deed and felt that there's no love anymore, no connection, no passion, or desire, but just pure sex? I guess that enters the realization that you moved on. Kindda sad though that it had to be that way for you to finalize what you really feel. And congratulations! Because you thought that it's gonna make you come chasing mr.wrong again but no. You proved yourself wrong. Yes it maybe a good sex, but that is just it.😅

And for those who spent the closure thing over a short date? I know you girls felt that the chemistry isn't there anymore. You felt the absence of a former lover and there you are sitting with an old friend just trying to have a sensible convo.

It only means one thing, you totally moved on and now happily contented. No regrets. No more hurt feelings. No more hopia. Just a happy life and a healthy heart.😇

Moving On

When you're trying to move on, you are always stuck in the phase of denial. You're thinking a lot of what ifs. Like 
* What if he still likes me
* What if he's just waiting for me to beep him up
* What if he's waiting for the right time to talk to me

And when you try to block him you're gonna think 
* What if he's been sending me messages and im not receiving anything because hes in blocked mode
* What if hes thinking that im ignoring him but infact im waiting for his message
* What if he sent me an invite to somewhere and i did not receive it because of my kaartehan

Or what if he just dont care anymore? Right? 

And when you do try to unblock him and still you're not receiving anything then that's like a double K.O. to your umaasang heart. Right?

So what's the best thing to do? STOP THINKING!

If you've been hurt or got dumped by Mr.Wrong then just stop thinking about him already! Forget the good times with him, the fun night together, the steamy sessions, the "i'll make your bed rock" convo, the sweet surprises, the little efforts etc. 

Just try to not think about him and try not to make a big deal in everything that reminds you of him. Just shrug it off and deadma.🤗 And please do block him. It's not that you're a coward by blocking him, it's a big step in moving on. You can unblock him when you feel that you totally moved on. And don't you ever stalk him using other account that you've made. It's just pathetic.😅 Just be firm of what you really want to happen and stick to it.

Remember you're the girl, don't make him hurt you again. Love yourself.😄

***a good tip!
* Focus on what you love
* Travel (if you have the time and money)
* Spend your time with your loved ones
* Hug your loved ones when you're feeling sad
* Exercise!
* Clean! (Put your anger and loneliness to good use.)
* Focus on yourself
* Get a makeover!
* Eat what you love
* Go shopping!
* Go clubbing with friends
* Meet and Flirt (just don't get into a rush-relationship)
* Enjoy the single life!💁

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

All i ask

Im not asking for a perfect man because its impossible to find one.

Im not asking for a romantic guy to woo me everyday.
Im not asking for a generous man to fill my material world.
Im not asking for a loving man to make me feel loved every night.
Im not asking for a religious man to come with me to church every Sunday.

Or a man with power to give me the world.
Or a man with a loving family that will accept me for their son.
Or a man who's good with kids to take care of our future kids.
Or someone with good looks and great bod for me to show off with my friends and other girls.
Or someone who can provide my needs for everyday and treat me like a princess.
Or someone who will provide food on the table.

Im only asking for one thing, a good personality and attitude. A man who knows how to respect the woman they love. A man who knows not to say bad things when he gets angry. A man who doesn't raise their hands when conflicts arise. A man who knows my worth. 

But if he can be everything that i mentioned above, well that's better! :))


Saturday, March 5, 2016

Pait nang Pagkakaibigan

Ang tunay na 'kaibigan' hindi ka gagamitin. Hindi ka gugulangan at lalong hindi ka paasahin. Hindi ka rin dapat minamanipula at di ka pinagsisinungalingan. Hindi ka pagmumukhain tanga lalo di ka iiwan sa ere.

Yung tipong pag lumabas kayo kala mo sya bahala sayo yun pala ikaw pa sasagot sa lahat. Akala mo sya bahala kasi alam niya na man chill ka muna sa life at wala ka trabaho at sainyong dalawa sya yung umaasenso at halos pang manager na ang kita sa isang buwan. At pagdating sa bayaran di man lang maunang kumuha nang wallet or magsalitang sya na bahala kaya syempre ikaw na mahihiya at magpiprisinta (pero syempre magpapaawat ka sana kaso wala talaga,gago si friend) tapos kunyari aawatin ka pero sya pa nagaalangan mangawat tapos yung way nang pag insist nia malamya yung prang 'uh ako na?' :)) tapos magiinsist ka din kunyari ...tapos anak nang daga hinayaan ka! :)) so yun nga. Sarap tampalin. Kahit man lang hatiin, waley! At take note lalake si 'friend'. At ako? Susme Dalagang Pilipina to! Hahah XD

Tapos gumimik kayong magtotropa, tapos my part two yung labas niyo kasi mag-oovernight or YOLO night pa sa tropa nio, sabi mo di ka na sasama kase gusto mo na rin magpahinga at yung iba nagsiuwian na din, tapos tong si gagong 'friend' pinilitpilit kang sumama di daw pwedeng hinde, at dahil mabait kang kaibigan sumama ka na lang. Tapos habang naglalakad kayo hindi ka na man pinapansin ni 'friend' hangang sa nagtaxi na kayo't nakarating dun sa bahay nang tropa niyo dinededma ka. Aypuuutingpato talaga. Sobrang gago. Tapos sayo pa galit, kasi sa ibang taxi ka daw sumakay. :)) 

Tapos sa mga other gimik nang tropa nio napaka lakas ni 'friend' uminom at akala mo nasa pyiestahan kung makalamon nang pulutan. Sya pa nakakaubos nang alak. Tapos pag dating nang bill, ayynako si 'friend' tulogtulogan! Kala mo lumaklak nang limang barrel nang beer! Di talaga sya dumidilat kahit anong tapik at gising! Bigla lang naaalimpungatan pag paalis na lahat sa venue!😅 pero habang umiinom sya nun sabi ko tama na lasing ka na, tapos nasagot nia pako nang seryoso at diretso, "di pako laseng. Sasabihin ko sau pag lasing nako." Ibig sabihin? Gago si 'friend' wag naten tularan si friend!😆

Sa taxi na man, nag aya si 'friend' magtaxi kasi pasosyal si friend. Edi go! Tapos pag dating sa destinasyon ikaw pa pinagbayad ni friend. Nagbibigay lang bente si friend.👍

Kumaen kayo ni friend. Di ka mabusogbusog kasi si friend halos bantayan mga subo mo. Gusto ata hingin pagkain mo eh meron na man sya sarili. Kulang na lang ibigay mo pagkain mo para tumigil na sa kakabantay sayo. Patay-gutom si friend.😂

Nagpromise si friend na lalabas kayo sa ganitong date kasi may sweldo sya non. Edi masaya ka kasi ibig sabihin bongga si friend sa araw na yon. Ililibre ka niya! And the day came. Lumabas kayo, bonga talaga! Kaen, inom, partyparty! Tapos bayaran na! Si friend nanghihiram. Eh? Lol! Pati sa taxi ikaw pa. So parang ang nangyare yung bongang promise date ay hindi para matuwa ka, kundi pineprepare ka na niya pala sa mga mangyayare. hahaha😅

Tapos sa tropa nio pag may babayaran ka bigla sya sisingit at sya magbabayad nang babayaran mo. Gets? Pag sa ibang tao pinapakita niya na pinagagastusan niya ako at sya yung pinakamabuting kaibigan ko. Pero ang totoo pakitang tao lang pala. Kasi pag kayo na lang talaga magkasama alam na alam mo mga galawan niya. Jusme.🙄 hashtagfeelinggalante

Pumunta si friend sa pad mo, magisa ka lang, feeling independent ba. Tapos si friend nagnenenok nang mga pagkain mo sa kusina! Wala na man masama kumaen o kumuha diba kaya nga magkaibigan kayo e. Okay lang din yung feeling mayari nang bahay na tipong kuha lang tapos kaen. Mas okay nga yun. Pero wala din masama magpaalam diba? Pero ang pangit kay friend e tinatago niya. Kaya di ko maintindihan bakit. Bat kelangan para kang bubwit na nagnanakaw dyan nang pagkaen tapos itatago mo saken na kumakaen ka? Nakakasira nang tiwala. Haha😅

Tapos etong si friend mahilig magyosi. At ang pinaka nkakainis e yung pagyosi niya na malapit sa gasul. Diba masama yon. Pinagbawalan mo si friend pero never siya nakinig sayo at inulit ulit pa.

At si friend nagluto sa bahay mo. Yung pinaglutuan ang dami! Ikaw pa nagligpit nang pinaglutuan ni friend. Feeling chef si friend eh ang basic lang na man nang mga luto niya. And puro salt&pepper yung mga ingredients nung niluto. Pare-pareho lasa. Pero syempre since you are a well-mannered kid, sasabihin mong masarap.😂

Si friend dumidikit lang sayo kasi may pera ka, may condo ka, may kotse kayo, bonga pamumuhay niyo kumpara sakanila. Iintindihij mo na lang sya.

Si friend walang pakealam kung magkalat siya sa bahay niyo, kesho magulo mga gamit niyo, magkalat mga ash nang yosi niya sa bahay niyo o mangamoy yosi buong bahay niyo. 

Si friend pinahiram mo lang nang damit kasi naawa ka na wala na sya iba isusuut, ay di na binalik ni friend. Pag hinahanap mo sakanya biglang nagchechange topic si friend or bingibingian. Ikaw na lang mahihiya sa pagkulit.

Si friend pang manager ang sweldo pero di mo makita sakanya ang pagbabago. Same old same shit si friend. Same old original-claimed adidas slippers na punitpunit na at maikli sakanya. Same old dirty smelling body bag. Punitpunit na rin at nalalawlaw na. Same old cheap printed shirts that was bought sa baclaran. Same old Tribal shorts which i find sooo cheap. Same old board shorts na di na man bagay sakanya. Di mo magets bakit di magsuot nang bagay sakanyang shorts. Same old pair of eye glasses na 15 years nia na ata suot, puro na gasgas at made of plastic wtf🙄 same old haircut na di rin bagay sakanya, feeling nia ang gwapo nia sa cut nia.feeling bagets. Same old phone na di nia mapalitpalitan di mo alam if nagtitipid or my sentimental value yung phone or what. Sabagay yung utang niya nga sa plan niya di nia mabayaran e mapalitan pa kaya yung dual sim phone?😂 

Si friend pang manager sweldo pero di maayos ang balat. Yung buni nia sa pwet na napakalaki kasing laki na nang ulo niya di man lang magamotgamot. O kaya sa ibang parte nang katawan niya parang di man lang inaabot nang lotion or maayos na sabon. Kahit yung pampakinis man lang nang maglighten ang mga scars. Mygad. Ilang taon niya na kaya yun inaalagaan.

Si friend pang manager ang sweldo pero di man lang makuhang magpasikat saken. O kahit libre man lang. Di man lang mapalitan mga bagay na sirasira nang pagaari niya. Para sa ikabubuti nia rin na man yon. Pag kasama tropa kala mo kung sinong rich kid ang gara niya pumorma pero yun pala sa mga kapatid niya pinagsusuut niyang damit. Puro hiram para lang masabing di squatter si friend. Puro arbor para di na bibili. Puro palibre para di na gumastos.

Magpakatotoo ka na 'friend'. 

Sabi ni friend my hinuhulugan daw sya bahay at kotse at in 2 years time makukuha niya na yon. Im wishing him good luck cause its for his family din pero sa yabang at sobrang gago ni friend? Talagang goodluck.😅 

Ps. Sabi ni friend last December 2015 makukuha nia na yung kotse at may pambayad daw sya. ASAN NANG PUTANG INA KA YUNG KOTSE MO??! PURO KA YABANG NA HAYOP KA!! *ehem* excuse me. Alam ko na man na wala talaga sya ganong cash. pang yosi niya nga di sya makabili kotse pa kaya. Pwe.

At sabi ni friend balang araw daw papaluhurin nia raw mga tala. Hihintayin ko yan lahat. Sabi mo I am your wakeup call, siguro nasabi mo yun dahil sobrang mantika ka sa tulog jk😅 at gusto moko pantayan. 

Sa lahat nang nangyare. I fucking learned my lesson/s. Buti nga at di pa na man kita naging sobrang tagal na kaibigan. Buti i woke up from the abuse wehehe.. Sabi mo sorry kasi you don't need me in your life. Well i have headlines for you, I DONT NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. YOU'RE A
DIRT THAT GOT STUCK IN MY HAIR. YOU WERE A MISTAKE. And no one can manipulate me, i may do things your way but that doesn't mean i'm stupid. I observe. Then I act. I'm happy it was all over. I SUCCESSFULLY ELIMINATED A TOXIC PERSON IN MY LIFE. 💋

~kt

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Valentine Madness

Bt ganon, may boyfriend na man ako pero ang lungkot pa rin nang valentines ko? Kahit nung sa mga past relationships ko malungkot din. Haha siguro minamalas lang talaga ako nang nakukuhang boyfriend, kasi lahat sila walang ka-sweetan sa katawan.😔

Gaya nung ex kong gago, sa 6 years namen never sya nagbigay nang flowers saken. As in. Kahit sa ibang okasyon wala talaga. Tapos nung nagbreak kami and he wants me back, wow biglang nagbigay flowers! Isang dosena pa! May kasama pang cake and chocolates! And teddy bear at customized CD nang mga fave songs namen. And may 4 page letter pa! Oha. Naisip ko non, grabe kelangan palang magbreak muna kami bago sya mageffort nang ganito. Kaso, aanhin ko pa yon e break na nga. Wala na eh.😔

Tapos yung ngayon na man, di man lang sweet. Iniisip ko na lang na may mga taong ganyan talaga. Na hindi sweet pero mahal ka na man. Di expressive pero ibibigay naman sayo lahat. Siguro nasasad lang ako kasi ba na man sa dinami-dami nang nakikita kong couples and gifts and flowers sa paligid at sa Facebook, at ako wala man lang, sa tingin mo di ako mabibitter? Pero still, mahal ko boyfriend ko. And i'm not gonna give up on us just because he is not that sweet. :) i love him more than anything. Love you pigsy!😊😘🤗

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Insults 101















Friday, December 25, 2015

Dear asshole

I will never beg for anyones love or attention. If you happen to feel that i'm begging for your fucking love or attention, well think again. Don't be so confident and calm in your little hut big boy. What goes around comes around. What you give is what you get. A nobody won't let me down. If i'm an 8 take note that you're just a 3. Big steps to take before you reach my level. You should be thankful 'cause i welcomed you into my world. You experienced the little luxe of life. You we're taught a little class, and was entertained with a lot of fancy stuff. Oh well, maybe the point of this stupid venting is that, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO IGNORE SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERE NOTHING!